I HAVE A "KLINGON" BABY

I have diagnosed Silas as a Klingon baby. I've come to the conclusion that he's definitely from another planet. If you'd like to know if your child is one as well, read the symptoms and decide for yourself:

"A syndrome that can transform a child under the age of 3 into a "Cling-On". This condition has no precursors and can occur at any time without warning. The child suddenly develops a strong addiction to the mother and can become attached to this mother at the hip, the leg, the hand, sometimes the shirt or clothing, on rare occasions the hair, but most commonly around the neck. Side effects of this condition are not uncommon. These symptoms may include one or all of the the following when separated from the mother: contract a "shriek" that can break glass, only be heard by dogs or resonate for miles; show signs of tantrums which involve the child to involuntarily spasm, clench, cling, scream, turn various shades of purple, and flail arms and legs uncontrollably; develop acute "my mommy" disease with stages of jealousy and selfishness which may include the inability to share mother with anyone else and may cause the child to become physically violent to anyone who may come within arms reach of mother; and lastly, they may develop the "hanging monkey" disorder, which can increase adrenaline and give the child the ability to contort their limbs to wrap, grab and hold on for dear life, as well as form a "protective ball" where the child hunches to center mass tucking the legs to the chest making the "set down" extremely difficult.